Navigating Events with Boys

by Clare Hettich

No matter how many boys you see at school every day, formal events with boys—like dances, dates, or prom—can seem intimidating. You might be wondering how you should dress and act, what the boys will think of you, and whether it will be the best or worst night of your life. Here are some tips to help you have a great experience:

  • Be yourself confidently. Instead of trying to act in a certain way, just be yourself. You are amazing, and being natural will actually make you more attractive, not less. 
  • Keep your expectations reasonable. It’s easy to imagine that your first date will be the greatest experience of your life, but try not to let your expectations become too high. That way, you can be happily surprised instead of disappointed!
  • Remember that boys are people, too. If you’re nervous about the event, your date likely is as well. Don’t worry too much about what he thinks of you—he’s probably just wondering what you think of him.
  • Choose clothes that highlight you. If the latest trend doesn’t flatter you, you don’t have to wear it. Also, instead of an outfit that just shows off your body, consider choosing one that complements you as a whole person. This shows boys that you’re not an object to be stared at, but a person worth getting to know. You’ll attract the kind of boy worth attracting, the kind who likes you for yourself. 
  • Think about others. If you focus on putting your date and your friends at ease, it can distract you from your own nervousness or stress. 

What if something goes wrong or I feel uncomfortable?

  • Assert your feelings and limitations. If you’re not comfortable with something going on, don’t be afraid to say no. If you want to go home, do it. You deserve better than to suppress your needs and feelings to please someone else. 
  • Find female support. It’s great to have a female friend nearby who you can turn to if something goes wrong or even if you’re just nervous. And if your date goes off with his friends at the dance, you can go off with yours. 
  • Make a backup plan with your parents. In case you feel uncomfortable on your date, make sure you have a safe way to get home whenever you want to. You and your parents could decide on a text you’ll send if you need help, like “I’m having a swell time,” that your date won’t understand if he sees it. Then, your parents can call to say that they’re picking you up ASAP because of a “family emergency.” A trusted friend who lives close to your event can be a good backup emergency contact. 
  • Make sure your parents know where you are so that they can pick you up if needed at any time. Sharing your live phone location with them is a great way to do this. If your phone doesn’t have this feature, make sure to tell your parents about your plans and inform them of any changes. 

Hopefully, these tips will help you have a great experience at your upcoming event. Relax and have confidence in yourself—you are unique and wonderful!